I saw a bit of the show when it aired Thursday as a poor alternative to insomnia. I'm amazed that Jamie Foxx has a job as a comedian at anything other than a strip club; the man has no timing and less presence. Things worth noting:
Now that MTV is 20 years old, isn't it about time it lets go of the idea that is hip, dangerous, and daring? The VMAs were so overly scripted they looked like the Oscarcast done up in ghetto-fabulous style. The most amazing aspect was the way that everyone who was an award presenter or act introducer shamelessly plugged their new album or movie. Macy Gray won the award for most blatant, not by wearing a dress that read "My new album drops Sept. 13" but by taking a moment to direct everyone's attention to it.
Oops, let me say sanitized ghetto-fabulous style. I noticed in the rebroadcasts, MTV has decided that the word "whore" is too injurious for delicate viewers' ears to hear. I find this bit of self-censoring hilarious, much like Ed Sullivan having Elvis on but not showing him from the waist down.
Of course, nothing matched the way that each award winner or performing musician seemed to slip in a plug for the host channel itself. At last count, MTV was thanked only slightly more often than God and just a little less than the *cough* artist's managers. Who says payola isn't alive and well?
Anyway... music. I mentioned music, so I should discuss some of it. I have only heard one Alicia Keys song, Fallin', the same one you've heard 7 billion times, but it is pretty damn good music. By which I mean that I'd listen to it without benefit of a video. She is a solid pianist and singer, and writes a good lyric. At least for that one song.
Confession time: I like pop dance tunes. My CD collection includes Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Rickey Martin, and the first Backstreet Boys disc. So, I was surprised (and pleasantly so) when N Sync's Pop kept winning awards. It is a simple danceable tune. One of the better moments of the show was when N'Sync ended their performance of Pop with a special guest appearance of Michael Jackson doing a short dance routine. It's easy to toss off a barb or two about Jackson's alleged sexual preferences (my favorite: "MJ decided to help out N'Sync because they are a cute little boy band.") but he can flat-out dance.
Second confession time: I have no interest in U2. I think they have done all of two songs in their career, The Fast One and The Slow One. MTV gave them their Video Vanguard award which I think is for "career achievement in fog machines, hurricane fans, and bad lip synching". Bono did make me smile when he admitted that the band has made its share of "Dodgy videos with dodgy hairstyles" and also took full responsibility for making the mullet a worldwide bad haircut.
Britney Spears came out with a debut of a brand new song I Am A Slave 4 U (love that Prince/Instant Messaging spelling tribute; it seems to be catching as Missy "Misdemeanor" Eliot has a song out titled Get Ur Freak On) and she apparently tried to out do her striptease performance from last year's show. Britney comes out on stage in a cage, dressed in diaphanous silk belly-dancer-esque clothes and at one point is dancing around stage with an albino python draped across her shoulders. I'm wondering if her next album will be titled Britney of Gor.
The odd thing for me is that her performance this year seems... tame. Last year she was like watching Penn & Teller cutting off limbs; this year, more like Cirque du Soleil doing some newage-y piece of fluff. Everyone was wondering how she could shock people more this year and the anticipation killed off any spontaneity.
Excuse me. I just suggested that there might be spontaneity at an awards show. I'll go soak my head now.
The VMAs are an interesting phenomenon to me because they are a celebration of music that is better to watch than to listen to. There is lots of music that I "listen to" on MTV and VH1, but very little of it that I go out and buy. A couple years ago at the height of Shania Twain mania, I decided to buy her video compilation rather than her CD because, quite honestly, I enjoyed watching her sing more than I liked simply listening to her music. Tom Waits will never win a VMA.
The VMAs are also a celebration of selling out. Between the project plugs by artists, the network plugs by MTV, the product plugs by every advertiser that could get the money together to buy stage time (I swear, it made me miss the days of the dancing cigarette boxes. If for no other reason than it would mean less screen time for Andy Dick), and new songs that seem to be released as car commercial soundtracks before they hit the record stores, I'm hard-pressed to find any aspect of popular music that isn't a slave to money. Again, Tom Waits will never be on this show.
Of course, I could simply change channels and watch something uplifting like Law & Order or The West Wing or even old reruns of Sports Night. But MTV's award shows have that same strange appeal as car accidents during a speed race. You know they are ugly and horrible and likely someone died in the process, but you can't take your eyes from it.
Pink said it best upon winning the award for Best Video of the Year for Lady Marmalade, "I'm glad y'all thought we made good whores." I guess that makes me one of MTV's johns.
Don't mind me, I'm just noodling.
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